मुल्ला नसरुद्दीन के किस्से व हास्य-रहस्य

CHAPTER 1.

As he was passing through the vestibule he was able to make out the dim outlines of another man, apparently in a worse condition than the first one.

"What's the matter?" asked the Mulla. "Are you drunk too?"

"Yep," was the feeble reply.

"Do you live in this house too?"

"Yep."

"Shall I help you upstairs?"

"Yep."

Mulla Nasrudin pushed, pulled, and carried him to the second floor, where this second man also said he lived. The Mulla opened the same door and pushed him in.

But as he reached the front door, the Mulla discerned the shadow of a third man, evidently worse off than either of the other two. Mulla Nasrudin was about to approach him when the object of his solicitude lurched out into the street and threw himself into the arms of a passing policeman.

"Off'shur! Off'shur! For Heaven's sake, Off'shur," he gasped, "protect me from that man. He has done nothing all night long but carry me upstairs and throw me down the elevator shaf."

The wife of Mulla Nasrudin told him that he had not been sufficiently explicit with the boss when he asked for raise.

"Tell him," said the wife, "that you have seven children, that you have a sick mother you have to sit up with many nights, and that you have to wash dishes because you can't afford a maid."

Several days later Mulla Nasrudin came home and announced he had been fired.

"THE BOSS," explained Nasrudin, "SAID I HAVE TOO MANY OUTSIDE ACTIVITIES."

"I knew an artist once who painted a cobweb on the ceiling so realistically that the maid spent hours trying to get it down," said Mulla Nasrudin's wife.

"Sorry, Dear," replied Nasrudin. "I just don't believe it."

"Why not? Artists have been known to do such things."

"YES." said Nasrudin, "BUT NOT MAIDS!"

202 (Jokes of Mulla Nasrudin) 26 Osho

CHAPTER 1. 95. "And now I want you boys to tell me who wrote 'Hamlet'?" asked the superintendent. "P-p-please, Sir," replied a frightened boy, "it – it was not me." That same evening the superintendent was talking to his host, Mulla Nasrudin. The superintendent said: "A most amusing thing happened today. I was questioning the class over at the school, and I asked a boy who wrote 'Hamlet' He answered tearfully, 'P-p-please, Sir, it – it was not me!" After loud and prolonged laughter, Mulla Nasrudin said: "THAT'S PRETTY GOOD, AND I SUPPOSE THE LITTLE RASCAL HAD DONE IT ALL THE TIME!" 96. Mulla Nasrudin was chatting with an acquaintance at a cocktail party. "Whenever I see you," said the Mulla, "I always think of Joe Wilson." "That's funny," his acquaintance said, "I am not at all like Joe Wilson." "OH, YES, YOU ARE," said Nasrudin. "YOU BOTH OWE ME 100. 97. Once Mulla Nasrudin was asked what he considered to be a perfect audience. "Oh, to me," said Nasrudin, "the perfect audience is one that is well educated, highly intelligent – AND JUST A LITTLE BIT DRUNK." 98. One night Mulla Nasrudin came home to his wife with lipstick on his collar. "Where did you get that?" she asked. "From my maid?" "No," said the Mulla. "From my dressmaker?" snapped his wife. "NO," said Nasrudin indignantly. "DON'T YOU THINK I HAVE ANY FRIENDS OF MY OWN?" 99. 202 (Jokes of Mulla Nasrudin) 27 Osho

CHAPTER 1. A man was seated at a lunch counter when a pretty girl, followed by young Mulla Nasrudin came in. They took the only vacant stools, which happened to be on either side of the side. Wanting to be gracious, he offered to change seats with Mulla Nasrudin so they might sit together. "Oh, that's not necessary," said the Mulla. But the man insisted, and they changed seats. Mulla Nasrudin then said to the pretty girl, "SINCE THE SEATING ARRANGEMENTS SUIT THIS POLITE GENTLEMAN, WE MIGHT AS WELL MAKE HIM REAL HAPPY AND GET ACQUAINTED." 100. A man at a seaside resort said to his new acquaintance, Mulla Nasrudin, "I see two cocktails carried to your room every morning, as if you had someone to drink with." "YES, SIR," said the Mulla, "I DO. ONE COCKTAIL MAKES ME FEEL LIKE ANOTHER MAN, AND, OF COURSE, I HAVE TO BUY A DRINK FOR THE OTHER MAN." 101. The wedding had begun, the bride was walking down the aisle. A lady whispered to Mulla Nasrudin who was next to her, "Can you imagine, they have known each other only three weeks, and they are getting married!" "WELL," said Mulla Nasrudin, "IT'S ONE WAY OF GETTING ACQUAINTED." 102. Mulla Nasrudin and his two friends were discussing what they would do if they awoke one morning to discover that they were millionaires. The Spaniard friend said he would build a bull ring. The American friend said he would go to Paris to have a good time. And, Mulla Nasrudin said HE WOULD GO TO SLEEP AGAIN TO SEE IF HE COULD MAKE ANOTHER MILLION." 103. A middle-aged woman lost her balance and fell out of a window into a garbage can. Mulla Nasrudin, passing remarked: "Americans are very wasteful. THAT WOMAN WAS GOOD FOR TEN YEARS YET." 104. Mulla Nasrudin was told he would lose his phone if he did not retract what he had said to the General Manager of the phone company in the course of a conversation over the wire. 202 (Jokes of Mulla Nasrudin) 28 Osho

CHAPTER 1. "Very well, Mulla Nasrudin will apologize," he said. He called Main 7777. "Is that you, Mr. Doolittle?" "It is." "This is Mulla Nasrudin. "Well?" "This morning in the heat of discussion I told you to go to hell!" "Yes?" "WELL," said Nasrudin, "DON'T GO!" 105. A political leader was visiting the mental hospital. Mulla Nasrudin sitting in the yard said, "You are a politician, are you not?" "Yes," said the leader. "I live just down the road." "I used to be a politician myself once," said the Mulla, "but now I am crazy. Have you ever been crazy?" "No," said the politician as he started to go away. "WELL, YOU OUGHT TRY IT," said Nasrudin "IT BEATS POLITICS ANY DAY." 106. The editor of the town weekly received this letter from Mulla Nasrudin: "Dear Sir: Last week I lost my watch which I valued highly. The next day I ran an ad in your paper. Yesterday, I went home and found the watch in the pocket of my brown suit. YOUR PAPER IS WONDERFUL!" 107. Mulla Nasrudin had been out speaking all day and returned home late at night, tired and weary. "How did your speeches go today?" his wife asked. "All right, I guess," the Mulla said. "But I am afraid some of the people in the audience didn't understand some of the things I was saying." 202 (Jokes of Mulla Nasrudin) 29 Osho

CHAPTER 1. "What makes you think that?" his wife asked. "BECAUSE," whispered Mulla Nasrudin, "I DON'T UNDERSTAND THEM MYSELF." 108. Mulla Nasrudin, a distraught father, visiting his son in a prison waiting room, turned on him and said: "I am fed up with you. Look at your record: attempted robbery, attempted robbery, attempted burglary, attempted murder. WHAT A FAILURE YOU HAVE TURNED OUT TO BE; YOU CAN'T SUCCEED IN ANYTHING YOU TRY." 109. Mulla Nasrudin and some of his friends pooled their money and bought a tavern. They immediately closed it and began to paint and fix it up inside and out. A few days after all the repairs had been completed and there was no sign of its opening, a thirsty crowd gathered outside. One of the crowd yelled out, "Say, Nasrudin, when you gonna open up?" "OPEN UP? WE ARE NOT GOING TO OPEN UP," said the Mulla. "WE BOUGHT THIS PLACE FOR OURSELVES!" 110. A man who has been married for ten years complained one day to his friend Mulla Nasrudin. "When we were first married," he said, "I was very happy. I would come home from a hard day at the office. My little dog would race around barking, and my wife would bring me my slippers. Now after ten years, everything has changed. When I come home, my dog brings me my slippers, and my wife barks at me!" "I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE COMPLAINING ABOUT," said Nasrudin. "YOU ARE STILL GETTING THE SAME SERVICE, ARE YOU NOT?" 111. Mulla Nasrudin's wife limped past the teahouse. "There goes a woman who is willing to suffer for her beliefs," said the Mulla to his friends there. "Why, what belief is that?" asked someone. "OH, SHE BELIEVES SHE CAN WEAR A NUMBER FOUR SHOE ON A NUMBER SIX FOOT," said Nasrudin. 112. The lawyer was working on their divorce case. 202 (Jokes of Mulla Nasrudin) 30 Osho

CHAPTER 1. After a preliminary conference with Mulla Nasrudin, the lawyer reported back to the Mulla’s wife. ”I have succeeded,” he told her, ”in reaching a settlement with your husband that’s fair to both of you.” ”FAIR TO BOTH?” cried the wife. ”I COULD HAVE DONE THAT MYSELF. WHY DO YOU THINK I HIRED A LAWYER?” 113. Mulla Nasrudin was suffering from what appeared to be a case of shattered nerves. After a long spell of failing health, he finally called a doctor. ”You are in serious trouble,” the doctor said. ”You are living with some terrible evil thing; something that is possessing you from morning to night. We must find what it is and destroy it.” ”SSSH, DOCTOR,” said Nasrudin, ”YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, BUT DON’T SAY IT SO LOUD – SHE IS SITTING IN THE NEXT ROOM AND SHE MIGHT HEAR YOU.” 114. Mulla Nasrudin and one of his friends had been drinking all evening in a bar. The friend finally passed out and fell to the floor. The Mulla called a doctor who rushed him to a hospital. When he came to, the doctor asked him, ”Do you see any pink elephants or little green men?” ”Nope,” groaned the patient. ”No snakes or alligators?” the doctor asked. ”Nope,” the drunk said. ”Then just sleep it off and you will be all right in the morning,” said the doctor. But Mulla Nasrudin was worried. ”LOOK, DOCTOR.” he said, ”THAT BOY’S IN BAD SHAPE. HE SAID HE COULDN’T SEE ANY OF THEM ANIMALS, AND YOU AND I KNOW THE ROOM IS FULL OF THEM.” 115. Mulla Nasrudin and one of his friends were attending a garden party for charity which featured games of chance. ”I just took a one-dollar chance for charity,” said the friend, ”and a beautiful blonde gave me a kiss. I hate to say it, but she kissed better than my wife!” The Mulla said he was going to try it. Afterwards the friend asked: ”How was it, Mulla?” ”SWELL,” said Nasrudin, ”BUT NO BETTER THAN YOUR WIFE.” 202 (Jokes of Mulla Nasrudin) 31 Osho

CHAPTER 1. 116. Mulla Nasrudin’s teenager son had dented a fender on the family car. ”What did your father say when you told him?” the boy’s mother asked. ”Should I leave out the cuss words?” he said. ”Yes, of course,” said his mother. ”IN THAT CASE,” said the boy, ”HE DIDN’T SAY A WORD.” 117. The woman lecturer was going strong. ”For centuries women have been misjudged and mistreated,” she shouted. ”They have suffered in a thousand ways. Is there any way that women have not suffered?” As she paused to let that question sink in, it was answered by Mulla Nasrudin, who was presiding the meeting. ”YES, THERE IS ONE WAY,” he said. ”THEY HAVE NEVER SUFFERED IN SILENCE.” 118. The man at the poultry counter had sold everything except one fryer. Mulla Nasrudin, a customer, said he was entertaining at dinner and wanted a nice-sized fryer. The clerk threw the fryer on the scales and said, ”This one will be 1.35.” ”Well,” said the Mulla, ”I really wanted a larger one.” The clerk, thinking fast, put the fryer back in the box and stirred it around a bit. Then he brought it out again and put it on the scales. ”This one,” he said, ”will be S1.95.” ”WONDERFUL,” said Nasrudin. ”I WILL TAKE BOTH OF THEM!” 119. A highway patrolman pulled alongside Mulla Nasrudin’s car and waved him to the side of the road. ”Sir your wife fell out of the car three miles back,” he said. ”SO THAT’S IT,” said the Mulla. ”I THOUGHT I HAD GONE STONE DEAF.” 120. The young doctor seemed pleased after looking over his patient, Mulla Nasrudin. ”You are getting along just fine,” he said. ”Of course. your shoulder is still badly swollen, but that does not bother me in the least.” 202 (Jokes of Mulla Nasrudin) 32 Osho

CHAPTER 1. "I DON'T GUESS IT DOES," said Nasrudin. "IF YOUR SHOULDER WERE SWOLLEN, IT WOULDN'T BOTHER ME EITHER." 121. Mulla Nasrudin had been placed in a mental hospital, for treatment. After a few weeks, a friend visited him. "How are you going on?" he asked. "Oh, just fine," said the Mulla. "That's good," his friend said. "Guess you will be coming back to your home soon?" "WHAT!" said Nasrudin. "I SHOULD LEAVE A FINE COMFORTABLE HOUSE LIKE THIS WITH A SWIMMING POOL AND FREE MEALS TO COME TO MY OWN DIRTY HOUSE WITH A MAD WIFE TO LIVE WITH? YOU MUST THINK I AM CRAZY!" 122. Mulla Nasrudin visiting a mental hospital stood chatting at great length to one man in particular. He asked all sorts of questions about how he was treated, and how long he had been there and what hobbies he was interested in. As the Mulla left him and walked on with the attendant, he noticed he was grinning broadly. The Mulla asked what was amusing and the attendant told the visitor that he had been talking to the medical superintendent. Embarrassed, Nasrudin rushed back to make apologies. "I AM SORRY DOCTOR," he said. "I WILL NEVER GO BY APPEARANCES AGAIN." 123. A famous surgeon had developed the technique of removing the brain from a person, examining it, and putting it back. One day, some friends brought him Mulla Nasrudin to be examined The surgeon operated on the Mulla and took his brain out. When the surgeon went to the laboratory to examine the brain, he discovered the patient had mysteriously disappeared. Six years later Mulla Nasrudin returned to the hospital. "Where have you been for six years?" asked the amazed surgeon. "OH, AFTER I LEFT HERE," said Mulla Nasrudin, "I GOT ELECTED TO CONGRESS AND I HAVE BEEN IN THE CAPITAL EVER SINCE, SIR." 124. Mulla Nasrudin was telling a friend how he got started in the bank business. "I was out of work," he said, "so to keep busy, I rented an empty store, and painted the word 'BANK' on the window. The same day, a man came in and deposited $300. Next day, another fellow came in and put in $250. 202 (Jokes of Mulla Nasrudin) 33 Osho

CHAPTER 1. WELL, SIR, BY THE THIRD DAY I'D GOT SO MUCH CONFIDENCE IN THE VENTURE THAT I PUT IN 50 OF MY OWN MONEY.” 125. Mulla Nasrudin, shipwrecked, was finally washed ashore on a strange island. He was glad to be on land, but afraid he might be among wild and unfriendly natives, so he explored cautiously, and at last saw smoke from a fire rising from the jungle. As he made his way slowly through the woods, scared half to death, he heard a voice say, "Pass that bottle and deal those cards." "THANK GOD!” cried Nasrudin. ”I AM AMONG CIVILISED PEOPLE!” 126. "What was the argument between you and your father-in-law, Nasrudin?” asked a friend. ”I didn’t mind, when he wore my hat, coat, shoes and suit, BUT WHEN HE SAT DOWN AT THE DINNER TABLE AND LAUGHED AT ME WITH MY OWN TEETH – THAT WAS TOO MUCH,” said Mulla Nasrudin. 127. Mulla Nasrudin’s wife was forever trying to curb his habit of swearing. One day, while shaving, the Mulla nicked his chin, and promptly launched into his most colourful array of cuss words. His wife thereupon repeated it all after him, hoping that her action in doing so would shame him into reforming at last. But instead, the Mulla waited for her to finish them with a familiar twinkle in his eyes said: ”YOU HAVE THE WORDS ALL RIGHT, MY DEAR, BUT YOU DON’T KNOW THE TUNE.” 128. A young bachelor, frequenting the pub quite often, was in the habit of singing laurels of his bachelorhood to all within hearing distance. He was quite cured of his self-centered, eccentric ideals, when once, Mulla Nasrudin got up calmly from the table, gave the hero a paternal thump on the back and remarked, ”I SUPPOSE, YOUNG CHAP, YOUR FATHER MUST HAVE BEEN A BACHELOR TOO.” 129. At a breakfast one morning, Mulla Nasrudin was telling his wife about the meeting of his civic club the night before. ”The president of the club,” he said, ”offered a silk hat to the member who would truthfully say that during his married life he had never kissed any woman but his wife. And not a man stood up.” ”Why,” his wife asked, ”didn’t you stand up?” 202 (Jokes of Mulla Nasrudin) 34 Osho

CHAPTER 1. "WELL," said Nasrudin, "I WAS GOING TO, BUT YOU KNOW HOW SILLY I LOOK IN A SILK HAT." 130. The minister was congratulating Mulla Nasrudin on his 40th wedding anniversary. "It requires a lot of patience, tolerance, and understanding to live with the same woman for 40 years," he said. "THANK YOU," said Nasrudin, "BUT SHE'S NOT THE SAME WOMAN SHE WAS WHEN WE WERE FIRST MARRIED." 131. Mulla Nasrudin was talking to his little girl about being brave. "But ain't you afraid of cows and horses?" she asked. "Of course not." said the Mulla "And ain't you afraid of bees and thunder and lightening?" asked the child. "Certainly not." said the Mulla again. "GEE, DADDY," she said "GUESS YOU AIN'T AFRAID OF NOTHING IN THE WORLD BUT MAMA." 132. The audience was questioning Mulla Nasrudin who had just spoken on big game hunting in Africa. "Is it true," asked one, "that wild beasts in the jungle won't harm you if you carry a torch?" "THAT ALL DEPENDS," said Nasrudin "ON HOW FAST YOU CARRY IT." 133. A father was bragging about his daughter who had studied painting in Paris. "This is the sunset my daughter painted," he said to Mulla Nasrudin. "She studied painting abroad, you know." "THAT ACCOUNTS FOR IT," said Nasrudin. "I NEVER SAW A SUNSET LIKE THAT IN THIS COUNTRY." 134. Mulla Nasrudin and one of his friends rented a boat and went fishing. In a remote part of the like they found a spot where the fish were really biting. "We'd better mark this spot so we can come back tomorrow," said the Mulla. 202 (Jokes of Mulla Nasrudin) 35 Osho

CHAPTER 1. "O.k., I'll do it," replied his friend. When they got back to the dock, the Mulla asked, "Did you mark that spot?" "Sure," said the second, "I put a chalk mark on the side of the boat." "YOU NITWIT," said Nasrudin. "HOW DO YOU KNOW WE WILL GET THE SAME BOAT TOMORROW?" 135. One evening when a banquet was all set to begin, the chairman realized that no minister was present to return thanks. He turned to Mulla Nasrudin, the main speaker and said, "Sir, since there is no minister here, will you ask the blessing, please?" Mulla Nasrudin stood up, bowed his head, and with deep feeling said, "THERE BEING NO MINISTER PRESENT, LET US THANK GOD." 136. "Have I not shaved you before, Sir?" the barber asked Mulla Nasrudin. "NO," said Nasrudin, "I GOT THAT SCAR DURING THE WAR." 137. A barber was surprised to get a tip from Mulla Nasrudin, a customer, before he even climbed into the chair. "You are the first customer, Mulla," he said, "ever to give me a tip before I cut the hair." "THAT'S NOT A TIP," said Nasrudin. "THAT'S HUSH MONEY. 138. "Thankful! What do I have to be thankful for? I can't pay my bills," said one fellow to Mulla Nasrudin. "WELL, THEN," said Nasrudin, "BE THANKFUL YOU AREN'T ONE OF YOUR CREDITORS." 139. The pilot at the air show was taking passengers up for a spin around town for five dollars a ride. As he circled city with Mulla Nasrudin, the only customer aboard, he his engine and began to glide toward the airport. "I will bet those people down there think my engine couped out," he laughed. "I will bet half of them are scared to death." 202 (Jokes of Mulla Nasrudin) 36 Osho

CHAPTER 1. "THAT'S NOTHING." said Mulla Nasrudin, "HALF OF US UP HERE ARE TOO." 140. Mulla Nasrudin who was reeling drunk was getting into his automobile when a policeman came up and asked "You're not going to drive that car, are you?" "CERTAINLY I AM GOING TO DRIVE," said Nasrudin. "ANYBODY CAN SEE I AM IN NO CONDITION TO WALK." 141. Mulla Nasrudin and his wife on a safari cornered a lion. But the lion fooled them; instead of standing his ground and fighting, the lion took to his heels and escaped into the underbush. Mulla Nasrudin terrified very much, was finally asked to stammer out to his wife, "YOU GO AHEAD AND SEE WHERE THE LION HAS GONE, AND I WILL TRACE BACK AND SEE WHERE HE CAME FROM." 142. Mulla Nasrudin and a friend were chatting at a bar. "Do you have the same trouble with your wife that I have with mine?" asked the Mulla. "What trouble?" "Why, money trouble. She keeps nagging me for money, money, money, and then more money," said the Mulla. "What does she want with all the money you give her? What does she do with it?" "I DON'T KNOW," said Nasrudin. "I NEVER GIVE HER ANY." 143. Mulla Nasrudin's weekend guest was being driven to the station by the family chauffeur. "I hope you won't let me miss my train," he said. "NO, SIR," said the chauffeur. "THE MULLA SAID IF DID, I'D LOSE MY JOB." 144. Mulla Nasrudin: "My wife has a chronic habit of sitting up every night until two and three o'clock in the morning and I can't break her of it." 202 (Jokes of Mulla Nasrudin) 37 Osho

CHAPTER 1. Sympathetic friend: "Why does she sit up that late?" Nasrudin: "WAITING FOR ME TO COME HOME." 145. "Mulla, did your father leave much money when he died?" "NO," said Mulla Nasrudin, "NOT A CENT. IT WAS THIS WAY. HE LOST HIS HEALTH GETTING WEALTHY, THEN HE LOST HIS WEALTH TRYING TO GET HEALTHY." 146. Mulla Nasrudin, a mental patient, was chatting with the new superintendent at the state hospital. "We like you a lot better than we did the last doctor," he said. The new superintendent was obviously pleased. "And would you mind telling me why?" he asked. "OH, SOMEHOW YOU JUST SEEM SO MUCH MORE LIKE ONE OF US," said Nasrudin. 147. Mulla Nasrudin: "How much did you pay for that weird-looking hat?" Wife: "It was on sale, and I got it for a song." Nasrudin "WELL, IF I HADN'T HEARD YOU SING. I'D SWEAR YOU HAD BEEN CHEATED." 148. Mulla Nasrudin was a hypochondriac He has been pestering the doctors of his town to death for years. Then one day, a young doctor, just out of the medical school moved to town. Mulla Nasrudin was one of his first patients. "I have heart trouble," the Mulla told him. And then he proceeded to describe in detail a hundred and one symptoms of all sorts of varied ailments. When he was through he said, "It is heart trouble, isn't it?" "Not necessarily," the young doctor said. "You have described so many symptoms that you might well have something else wrong with you." "HUH," snorted Mulla Nasrudin "YOU HAVE YOUR NERVE. A YOUNG DOCTOR, JUST OUT OF SCHOOL, DISAGREEING WITH AN EXPERIENCED INVALID LIKE ME." 149. 202 (Jokes of Mulla Nasrudin) 38 Osho

CHAPTER 1. Mulla Nasrudin called his wife from the office and said he would like to bring a friend home for dinner that night. "What?" screamed his wife. "You know better than that You know the cook quit yesterday, the baby's got the measles, the hot water heater is broken, the painters are redecorating the living room and I don't even have any way to get to the supermarket to get our groceries." "I know all that," said Nasrudin. "THAT'S WHY I WANT TO BRING HIM HOME FOR DINNER. HE IS A NICE YOUNG MAN AND I LIKE HIM. BUT HE'S THINKING OF GETTING MARRIED." 150. Mulla Nasrudin and his wife were guests at an English country home – an atmosphere new and uncomfortable to them. In addition, they were exceptionally awkward when it came to hunting; so clumsy in fact that the Mulla narrowly missed shooting the wife of their host. When the Englishman sputtered his rage at such dangerous ineptness, Mulla Nasrudin handed his gun to the Englishman and said, "WELL, HERE, TAKE MY GUN; IT'S ONLY FAIR THAT YOU HAVE A SHOT AT MY WIFE." 151. Mulla Nasrudin and his friend, out hunting, were stopped by a game warden. The Mulla took off, and the game warden went after him and caught him, and then the Mulla showed the warden his hunting licence. "Why did you run when you had a licence?" asked the warden. "BECAUSE," said Nasrudin, "THE OTHER FELLOW DIDN'T HAVE ONE." 152. The great specialist had just completed his medical examination of Mulla Nasrudin and told him the fee was 25. "The fee is too high I ain't got that much." said the Mulla. "Well make it 15, then." "It's still too much. I haven't got it," said the Mulla. "All right," said the doctor, "give me 5 and beat it." "Who has 5? Not me," said the Mulla. "Well give me whatever you have, and get out," said the doctor. "Doctor, I have nothing," said the Mulla. By this time the doctor was in a rage and said, "If you have no money you have some nerve to call on a specialist of my standing and my fees." 202 (Jokes of Mulla Nasrudin) 39 Osho

CHAPTER 1. Mulla Nasrudin, too, now got mad and shouted back at the doctor: "LET ME TELL YOU, DOCTOR, WHEN MY HEALTH IS CONCERNED NOTHING IS TOO EXPENSIVE FOR ME." 153. Mulla Nasrudin was talking in the teahouse on the lack of GOOD SAMARITAN SPIRIT in the world today. To illustrate he recited an episode: "During the lunch hour I walked with a friend toward a nearby restaurant when we saw laying on the street a helpless fellow human who had collapsed." After a solemn pause the Mulla added, "Not only had nobody bothered to stop and help this poor fellow, BUT ON OUR WAY BACK AFTER LUNCH WE SAW HIM STILL LYING IN THE SAME SPOT." 154. Mulla Nasrudin sitting in the street car addressed the woman standing before him: "You must excuse my not giving you my seat – I am a member of The Sit Still Club." "Certainly, Sir," the woman replied. "And please excuse my staring – I belong to The Stand and Stare Club." She proved it so well that Mulla Nasrudin at last got to his feet. "I GUESS, MA'AM," he mumbled, "I WILL RESIGN FROM MY CLUB AND JOIN YOURS." 155. "I am terribly worried," said Mulla Nasrudin to the psychiatrist. "My wife thinks she's a horse." "We should be able to cure her," said the psychiatrist "But it will take a long time and quite a lot of money." "OH, MONEY IS NO PROBLEM," said Nasrudin. "SHE HAS WON SO MANY HORSE RACES." 156. The caravan was marching through the desert. It was hot and dry with not a drop of water anywhere. Mulla Nasrudin fell to the ground and moaned. "What's the matter with him?" asked the leader of the caravan. "He is just homesick," said Nasrudin's companion. "Homesick? We are all homesick," said the leader. "YES," said Mulla Nasrudin's companion "BUT HE IS WORSE. HE OWNS A TAVERN." 157. 202 (Jokes of Mulla Nasrudin) 40 Osho

CHAPTER 1. Mulla Nasrudin’s son was studying homework and said his father, ”Dad, what is a monologue?” ”A MONOLOGUE,” said Nasrudin, ”IS A CONVERSATION BEING CARRIED ON BY YOUR MOTHER WITH ME.” 158. Mulla Nasrudin stormed out of his office and yelled, ”SOMETHING HAS GOT TO BE DONE ABOUT THOSE SIX PHONES ON MY DESK. FOR THE PAST FIVE MINUTES I HAVE BEEN TALKING TO MYSELF.” 159. Mulla Nasrudin was complaining to a friend. ”My wife is a nagger,” he said. ”What is she fussing about this time?” his friend asked. ”Now,” said the Mulla, ”she has begun to nag me about what I eat. This morning she asked me if I knew how many pancakes I had eaten. I told her I don’t count pancakes and she had the nerve to tell me I had eaten 19 already.” ”And what did you say?” asked his friend. ”I didn’t say anything,” said Nasrudin. ”I WAS SO MAD, I JUST GOT UP FROM THE TABLE AND WENT TO WORK WITHOUT MY BREAKFAST.” 160. Mulla Nasrudin had been arrested for being drunk and was being questioned at the police station. ”So you say, you are a poet,” demanded the desk sargeant. ”Yes, Sir,” said the Mulla. ”That’s not so, Sargeant,” said the arresting officer. ”I SEARCHED HIM AND FOUND $500 IN HIS POCKET.” 161. Mulla Nasrudin was bragging about his rich friends. ”I have one friend who saves five hundred dollars a day,” he said. ”What does he do, Mulla?” asked a listener. ”How does he save five hundred dollars a day?” ”Every morning when he goes to work, he goes in the subway,” said Nasrudin. ”You know in the subway, there is a five-hundred dollar fine if you spit, SO, HE DOESN’T SPIT!” 202 (Jokes of Mulla Nasrudin) 41 Osho

CHAPTER 1. 162. Mulla Nasrudin looked at the drug clerk doubtfully. "I take it for granted," he said, "that you are a qualified druggist." "Oh, yes, Sir" he said. "Have you passed all the required examinations?" asked the Mulla. "Yes," he said again. "You have never poisoned anybody by mistake, have you?" the Mulla asked. "Why, no!" he said. "IN THAT CASE," said Nasrudin, "PLEASE GIVE ME TEN CENTS' WORTH OF EPSOM SALTS." 163. Mulla Nasrudin went to get a physical examination. He was so full of alcohol that the doctor said to him, "You will have to come back the day after tomorrow. Any examination we might make today would not mean anything – that's what whisky does, you know." "YES, I KNOW," said Nasrudin. "I SOMETIMES HAVE THAT TROUBLE MYSELF. I WILL DO AS YOU SAY AND COME BACK THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW – WHEN YOU ARE SOBER, SIR." 164. Mulla Nasrudin had been to see the doctor. When he came home, his wife asked him: "Well, did the doctor find out what you had?" "ALMOST," said Nasrudin. "I HAD $40 AND HE CHARGED ME $49." 165. Mulla Nasrudin, elected to the Congress, was being interviewed by the press. One reporter asked: "Do you feel that you have influenced public opinion, Sir?" "NO," answered Nasrudin. "PUBLIC OPINION IS SOMETHING LIKE A MULE I ONCE OWNED. IN ORDER TO KEEP UP THE APPEARANCE OF BEING THE DRIVER, I HAD TO WATCH THE WAY IT WAS GOING AND THEN FOLLOWED AS CLOSELY AS I COULD." 166. 202 (Jokes of Mulla Nasrudin) 42 Osho

CHAPTER 1. An insurance salesman had been talking for hours try-ing to sell Mulla Nasrudin on the idea of insuring his barn. At last he seemed to have the prospect interested because he had begun to ask questions. "Do you mean to tell me," asked the Mulla, "that if I give you a check for 75andifmybarnburnsdown, youwillpayme50,000?' "That's exactly right," said the salesman. "Now, you are beginning to get the idea." "Does it matter how the fire starts?" asked the Mulla. "Oh, yes," said the salesman. "After each fire we made a careful investigation to make sure the fire was started accidentally. Otherwise, we don't pay the claim." "HUH," grunted Nasrudin, "I KNEW IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE." 167. The blacksheep of the family had applied to his brother, Mulla Nasrudin, for a loan, which he agreed to grant him at an interest rate of 9 per cent. The never-do-well complained about the interest rate "What will our poor father say when he looks down from his eternal home and sees one of his sons charging another son 9 per cent on a loan?" "FROM WHERE HE IS," said Nasrudin, "IT WILL LOOK LIKE 6 PER CENT." 168. "Mulla, how about lending me 50?"askedafriend. "Sorry," said Mulla Nasrudin, "I can only let you have 25." "But why not the entire 50, MULLA?" "NO," said Nasrudin, "THAT WAY IT'S EVEN – EACH ONE OF US LOSES 25." 169. Mulla Nasrudin and one of his merchant friends on their way to New York were travelling in a carriage and chatting. Suddenly a band of armed bandits appeared and ordered them to halt. "Your money or your life," boomed the leader of the bandits. 'Just a moment please," said Mulla Nasrudin. "I owe my friend here 500, andIwouldliketopayhimfirst. "YOSEL," said Nasrudin, "HERE IS YOUR DEBT. REMEMBER, WE ARE SQUARE NOW." 202 (Jokes of Mulla Nasrudin) 43 Osho

CHAPTER 1. 170. In asking Mulla Nasrudin for a loan of 10, a woman said to him, "If I don't get the loan I will be ruined." "Madam," replied Nasrudin, "IF A WOMAN CAN BE RUINED FOR 10, THEN SHE ISN'T WORTH SAVING." 171. Mulla Nasrudin met a man on a London street. They had known each other slightly in America. "How are things with you?" asked the Mulla. "Pretty fair," said the other. "I have been doing quite well in this country." "How about lending me 100, then?" said Nasrudin. "Why I hardly know you, and you are asking me to lend you 100!" "I can't understand it," said Nasrudin. "IN THE OLD COUNTRY PEOPLE WOULD NOT LEND ME MONEY BECAUSE THEY KNEW ME, AND HERE I CAN'T GET A LOAN BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW ME." 171. "I have found the road to success no easy matter," said Mulla Nasrudin. "I started at the bottom. I worked twelve hours a day. I sweated. I fought. I took abuse. I did things I did not approve of. But I kept right on climbing the ladder." "And now, of course, you are a success, Mulla?" prompted the interviewer. "No, I would not say that," replied Nasrudin with a laugh. "JUST QUOTE ME AS SAYING THAT I HAVE BECOME AN EXPERT AT CLIMBING LADDERS." 172. Mulla Nasrudin, asked if he believed in luck, replied "CERTAINLY: HOW ELSE DO YOU EXPLAIN THE SUCCESS OF THOSE YOU DON'T LIKE?" 173. Mulla Nasrudin was the witness in a railroad accident case. "You saw this accident while riding the freight train?" "Where were you when the accident happened?" "Oh, about forty cars from the crossing." 202 (Jokes of Mulla Nasrudin) 44 Osho

CHAPTER 1. "Forty car lengths at 2 a. m.! Your eyesight is remarkable! How far can you see at night, anyway?" "I CAN'T EXACTLY SAY," said Nasrudin. "JUST HOW FAR AWAY IS THE MOON?" 174. Mulla Nasrudin's wife seeking a divorce charged that her husband "thinks only of horse racing. He talks horse racing: he sleeps horse racing and the racetrack is the only place he goes. It is horses, horses, horses all day long and most of the night. He does not even know the date of our wedding. "That's not true, Your Honour," cried Nasrudin. "WE WERE MARRIED THE DAY DARK STAR WON THE KENTUCKY DERBY." 175. There was a play in which an important courtroom scene included Mulla Nasrudin as a hurriedly recruited judge. All that he had to do was sit quietly until asked for his verdict and give it as instructed by the play's director. But Mulla Nasrudin was by no means apathetic, he became utterly absorbed in the drama being played before him. So absorbed, in fact, that instead of following instructions and saying "Guilty," the Mulla arose and firmly said, "NOT GUILTY." 176. Two graduates of the Harvard School of Business decided to start their own business and put into practice what they had learned in their studies. But they soon went into bankruptcy and Mulla Nasrudin took over their business. The two educated men felt sorry for the Mulla and taught him what they knew about economic theory. Some time later the two former proprietors called on their successor when they heard he was doing a booming business. "What's the secret of your success?" they asked Mulla Nasrudin. "T'ain't really no secret," said Nasrudin. "As you know, schooling and theory is not in my line. I just buy an article for 1andsellitfor2. ONE PER CENT PROFIT IS ENOUGH FOR ME." 177. Mulla Nasrudin's testimony in a shooting affair was unsatisfactory. When asked, "Did you see the shot fired?" the Mulla replied, "No, Sir, I only heard it." "Stand down," said the judge sharply. "Your testimony is of no value." Nasrudin turned around in the box to leave and when his back was turned to the judge he laughed loud and derisively. Irate at this exhibition of contempt, the judge called the Mulla back to the chair and demanded to know how he dared to laugh in the court. 202 (Jokes of Mulla Nasrudin) 45 Osho